joke: Bush sues Santa

[Jim Huber <jhuber@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

AUSTIN, TX  - Attorneys for President-Elect George W. Bush filed
suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making
his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate
injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to
effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good
boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.

The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of Austin, Texas, asks a
federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all
repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the
original list as submitted, without amendment, alteration, deletion, or
other unnecessary modification."

"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice.
It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need
to check? This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over again
must stop now," said former Secretary James Baker.

Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers witnessed an elf
removing all boys named Justin from the 'nice' list, filing them under
'naughty' instead because "everyone knows all boys named Justin are
brats."

Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list tampering, and
blasted what he called the "crazy, crazy mess up there at the North
Pole."

"Their security is really awful, really bad," said Bush. "My mother
just walked right in, told 'em she was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her
ID or nothing."

Meanwhile, Vice President-Elect Dick Cheney issued a direct plea
to St. Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I call on you to do the honorable
thing, and quit checking your list. The children of the world have had
enough. They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding that his
granddaughter has already selected a name for the pony she's asked for.

The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this latest development
with plans to lead his protesters from Florida to the North Pole via
dogsled. The "Million Man Mush" is scheduled to leave Friday. "We need
red suits and sleighs, not law suits and delays," Jackson said.

Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a spokeself said he
was "deeply distressed" by news of the pending legal action against him.

"He's losing weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho' for days," said the
spokeself. "He's just not feeling jolly."

A weary nation can relate.




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