Re: off-topic, but funny: how to know if you're ready for children

["Tony M. Watson" <twatson1@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Funny.
I have teenagers and none of its over yet.
And now they bring their friends over to assist them in driving us crazy.
Best of luck.
I especially liked the final exam.
Thanks for the chuckles.

- ----- Original Message -----
From: Jim Huber <jhuber@xxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <ST@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Monday, July 31, 2000 3:14 PM
Subject: off-topic, but funny: how to know if you're ready for children


: > > HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE READY FOR CHILDREN:
: > >
: > >
: > >  MESS TEST:  Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.
: > >  Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there
: > >  all summer.
: > >
: > >  TOY TEST:  Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (If Legos
: > >  are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks).  Have a
: > >  friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try
: > >  to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (This
: > >  could wake a child at night).
: > >
: > >  GROCERY STORE TEST:  Borrow one or two small animals
: > >  (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the
: > >  grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything
: > >  they eat or damage.
: > >
: > >  DRESSING TEST:  Obtain one large, unhappy, live
: > >  octopus.  Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms
: > >  stay inside.
: > >
: > >  FEEDING TEST:  Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill
: > >  halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord.
: > >  Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy
: > >  cereal(such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the
: > >  jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the
: > >  contents of the jug on the floor.
: > >
: > >  NIGHT TEST:  Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and
: > >  fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in
: > >  water. At 8:00 p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until
: > >  9:00 p.m.  Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get
: > >  up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever
: > >  heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a.m.
: > >  Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep
: > >  this up for five years. Look cheerful.
: > >
: > >  PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN):  Obtain a large bean bag chair
: > >  and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there
: > >  for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.
: > >
: > >  PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):  Go to the nearest drug store. Set
: > >  your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself.
: > >  Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head
: > >  office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to
: > >  the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it
: > >  quietly for the last time.
: > >
: > >  FINAL EXAM ASSIGNMENT:  Find a couple who already has a
: > >  small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their
: > >  discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table
: > >  manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize
: > >  to them that they should never allow their children to run
: > >  wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you
: > >  will have all the answers.
:
:
: My wife and I have one that's about to turn three, and another due in
: February...
:
:      *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *
*
:       The ST/RS Mailing list is sponsored by Jack Lilley Ltd.
:           http://www.TriumphNet.com/st/lilley for more info
:    http://www.TriumphNet.com/st for ST, RS and Mailing List info
:


     *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *
      The ST/RS Mailing list is sponsored by Jack Lilley Ltd.
          http://www.TriumphNet.com/st/lilley for more info
   http://www.TriumphNet.com/st for ST, RS and Mailing List info

=-=-=-= Next Message =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=