[Non ST] jokes (formerly Triumph as guardian angel etc story)}

[KevinSmith= <ksmith955@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

OK, then, seeing as how its Friday, here's some more:


Taking his seat in his chambers, the Texas judge faced
the opposing lawyers.
 >>"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of
you, with a bribe."
 >>Both
 >>lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon,
gave me $15,000.
 >>And
 >>you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000."
 >>
 >>The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a
check. He handed it
 >>to
 >>Leon ... "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're
going to decide this
 >>case solely on its merits."
 >> ---------------------------------------
- --------------------------------
 >>-
 >>Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled
their latest stamps?
 >>They
 >>had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people
couldn't figure out which
 >>side to spit on.
 >> --------------------------------------- >>

 >>NASA was interviewing professionals they were
figuring on sending to
 >>Mars.
 >>The touchy part was that only one guy could go and
it would be a one way
 >>trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth.
 >>
 >>The interviewer asked the first applicant, an
engineer, how much he
 >>wanted
 >>to be paid for going. "One million dollars," the
engineer answered. "And
 >>I
 >>want to donate it all to my alma mater--New Mexico
State University."
 >>
 >>The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer
asked him the same
 >>question.
 >>
 >>"Two million dollars," the doctor said. "I want to
give a million to my
 >>family and leave the other million for the
advancement of medical
 >>research."
 >>
 >>The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much
money he wanted, he
 >>whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million
dollars."
 >>
 >>"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer
asked.
 >>
 >>The lawyer replied, "You give me three million, I'll
give you one
 >>million,
 >>I'll keep a million, and we'll send the engineer."
 >> ---------------------------------------
- --------------------------------
 >>-
 >>A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over
lawyers he would
 >>see
 >>walking down the side of the road. Every time he
would see a lawyer
 >>walking
 >>along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and
there would be a loud
 >>"THUMP" and then he would swerve back onto the road.
One day, as the
 >>truck
 >>driver was driving along he saw a priest
hitchhiking. He thought he
 >>would
 >>do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
 >>
 >>He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
 >>
 >>"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road,"
replied the priest.
 >>
 >>"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in
the truck." The
 >>happy
 >>priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck
driver continued
 >>down
 >>the road.
 >>
 >>Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down
the road and
 >>instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he
remembered there was a
 >>priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute
he swerved back
 >>away,
 >>narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he
was certain he
 >>missed
 >>the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not
understanding where the
 >>noise
 >>came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he
didn't see anything, he
 >>turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I
almost hit that
 >>lawyer."
 >>
 >>"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with
the door!"
 >> ---------------------------------------
  Normal programming resumes Monday. Over and out.

Kevin (Reservoir Dawg)
99 ST
London


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