Re: [ST] Brain Fade

[Steve Lawler <slawler@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

In a previous email, Denis Liakos stated:
> asked me with the  guile only a 10 year old can
> muster, "Dad, what the fuck were you thinking about?"- a phrase he's
> heard more times than we both care to admit.....

LOL Great story Denis.

My turn at the podium.

   On a typical day I get up at 4:10am. This gives me plenty of time to
have some breakfast, down a couple of cups of coffee, go through my
email, get geared up, head out and get through the Lincoln Tunnel before
the traffic gets heavy. However, this Thursday was not about to be a
typical morning.
   My wife awoke at about 3:30 and tossed and turned then went down
stairs at about 3:50. I was fully awake at this point but I stayed in
bed. I lay there wondering, "When I fell asleep it was 6-0. Did they
win? Or was it business as usual and I will soon be saying "There's
always next year'." The suspense was killing me. I climbed out of bed
and went to the bathroom. When I came out the light was on in our room.
Liz had the television on. "They won."
   "You're kidding. They didn't blow it?"
   "Nope. 10 to 3."
   "Oh, my god. 10 to 3?" Then I unleashed a "WOOHOO" that would make
Homer Simpson cringe in fear of being unseated as the king of "WOOHOO."
   I was use to being numb at the end of the play-offs but his was a
different kind of numbness. I didn't recognize it because I hadn't felt
it in 18 years.
   When 5:30 rolled around I donned my gear and headed for the side
door. Once outside I opened up the gate where the driveway passes the
end of the house. The stable where I keep my trusty steed is a detached
garage at the back of the lot. We keep the gate closed because our
retarded dog is too stupid to find her way home when she runs away. She
has always been that way. She is now 15 years old and will merely trot
away these days.
   In the stable, I start the bike, put on the gloves, saddle up and
back her out the door. Once outside the door I stop, put down the
sidestand, dismount, and close the garage door. If I don't' close the
door one of my wife's dopey cats will find a spot to curl up in and will
most likely get locked in. They have spent the night in the garage on
several occasions.
   After the stable is secured I remount, continue backing up, and swing
to the right. When the back tire hits the curb on the side of the
driveway I push off and the easy downhill slope of the driveway allows
me to coast through the gate. On the other side of the gate I put down
the sidestand so that I can dismount, close the gate and ride off into
the sunrise.
   Remember the part about the euphoric state? Remember the part about
the downhill sloping driveway? Bad combo. I had managed to put the
sidestand down only part way. I always hold the brake while mounting and
dismounting. Upon dismounting I release the brake and begin to turn, she
starts to roll forward and gravity is pulling her onto her left side.
"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH." With Jason Varitek's cat-like reflexes I grab the
brake and stop the forward motion but the bike is still going sideways.
Like Samson with his Johnny Damon hair style I stop the bike's descent.
I wish I had his hair. Hell, I wish I had half his hair. If he lost half
his hair and got a buzz cut he would still have more hair than me. How
about Johnny, can I have some?
   Anyway, I kick the sidestand forward, settle her down then release
the brake. "AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH."  It starts all over again! I didn't want
my fairing to have more gouges than Curt Schilling's ankle. And in the
fashion of an eleventh hour comeback from being down 3 games to nothing
I stop the seemingly inevitable and am finally able to go back and close
the gate.
   I happily head out, grinning ear to ear, knowing that I have lived to
defeat gravity and Red Sox have won the pennant.

- -- 
Steve Lawler
Verona, NJ, USA, Earth

2001 Sprint ST "Blue Devil"

"We got Babe Ruth's ghost a hooker and now everything's cool."
            --Curt Schilling

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