Re: [ST] ST website history- assist

["Denis Liakos" <denoose@xxxxxxx>]

You have out done yourself.  I knew I asked the right person for some 
insight!

By the way, who's your dealer?  And I'm NOT referring to motorbikes.

Denis Liakos
- ----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Steve Lawler" <slawler@xxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <ST@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Friday, February 04, 2005 10:10 AM
Subject: Re: [ST] ST website history- assist


> Denis Liakos wrote:
>
> > I'm hoping Lawler can come up with a "Fractured Fairy Tale" for our
> > amusement. Steve?
>
>
> "The Origin of Triumphnet"
> by Steve Lawler
>
> In the early days of the internet, before there was listserv, before there 
> was usenet, before there was wire, before there was recorded history, 
> before there was anything even remotely resembling civilization, tribes of 
> motorcycle riders resided in caves. These riders were the beginnings of an 
> advanced people.
>
> They were the first people to give names to things and other tribe 
> members. The names they would give to people were taken from things in 
> their environment. For example forest dwellers would be named "Tree" if 
> they were big and strong, "Pine Cone" if they were nutty and some were 
> called "Bush" if they were small and feeble. Tribes that had taken up 
> seaside caves had names like "Squid", "Seaweed", "Snail", "Shell", "Gill" 
> and so on. Gill was usually reserved for open mouth breathers.
>
> While they had not yet developed writing they had already assembled an 
> alphabet. They just weren't sure how to use it. Some could be seen 
> sitting, twanging their bottom lip, saying "BBBBBBBBBB." Renegade tribe 
> members (precursors to today's pirates) would run around letting out a 
> hearty "R!" It occurred to some that the alphabet could be put to better 
> use.
>
> As the populations of these tribes of motorcyclists increased they began 
> to run out of names. They began to attach letters to names. If there was 
> already someone named "Twig" another one would be called "Twig-A." In what 
> is now Ireland, they opted to add letters to the beginning of names; a 
> second "Gill" would become "A'Gill" and so on to "O'Gill." The tribes of 
> Scotland felt the desire to be different; they added two and sometimes 
> three letters to the beginning. This evolved into names like "McGill." 
> Ancient south central Europeans used only vowels at the end. The tribes of 
> the region of eastern Europe would just keep adding consonants at both 
> ends until they had formed names that were not in the slightest bit 
> pronounceable.
>
> One of the seaside dwelling tribes lived on a diet made up primarily of 
> trilobites. They were incredibly easy to catch in the unique nets that 
> this tribe was so skilled at making. The meat of the trilobite was quite 
> succulent and intoxicating. Unfortunately, it was quite addictive and gave 
> the eater offensive body odor. To make matters worse, it was extremely 
> difficult to get past the sharp shell. This did not stop them. Members of 
> this tribe had severe scarring of their tongues causing their vocabulary 
> to be intertwined with grunts. Due to the difficultly of saying 
> "trilobite" they would say "tri-oomf."
>
> Further down the same stretch of seashore was a tribe that lived mostly on 
> shell fish. They prospered. Their numbers had grown and they made full use 
> of the alphabet. One particular motorcycle rider named "Shell-E" figured 
> that if he strung a whale intestine from his cave to the next tribe down 
> the beach then he could converse with them by simply shouting down the 
> intestine rather than having to face these stinking riders. The odor had 
> made them an ostracized group. But Shell-E knew that they would have 
> something to contribute to his tribe of motorcyclists.
>
> Shell-E first tried simply laying the intestine in the sand. This did not 
> work to well. The mutterings of the other tribe could not be heard. 
> Shell-E suspected that if the intestine was open it would work. It would 
> need to be stretched. He tried tying it between two rocks. This worked 
> immediately. Unfortunately he did this attempt in the midday sun. Once the 
> sun set the intestine expanded and fell to the ground. Night time calling 
> was just a dream at this time.
>
> For the third attempt, something was needed that would take up the slack. 
> At first someone would have to tighten the intestine as the sun went down 
> and be sure to loosen it at sunrise. Nobody wanted to be bothered. Shell-E 
> knew that there had to be a better way.
>
> One day as he was riding his motorcycle down the beach, Shell-E spied some 
> of the trilobite fishermen hauling in a catch. He noticed that their net 
> was woven in such a way that it could expand and contract around the sharp 
> shells of the trilobites without being cut. He ran up to the fisherman and 
> neglecting to hold his nose as the stench worsened, he shouted "YOU REEK!"
>
> "Uh," replied one of the fishermen.
>
> Shell-E used one net at each end of the intestine. Success was at hand. 
> Shell-E didn't know what to call his invention. At first he called it 
> "Whale Intestine Strung Between Two Tribes of Motorcyclists On The Beach 
> Held in Tension by the Nets of The Trilobite Fishermen." The trilobite 
> fishermen called it "Tri-oomf net." Shell-E liked that.
>
>
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