[ST] FW: Hurricane Sharon hits Essex (humor)

["Jeremy Witt" <jeremyw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

This came from the guy who used to be my only British pal.  

 

Jeremy Witt

Field Engineer

Corrugated Networking Services Inc.

Office: 603-703-0365

 

 

 

A major Cat 3 Hurricane (Sharon) hit in the early hours of Monday.

 

Epicentre: Clacton, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around aimless 

muttering "faaackin ell" ..

 

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. 

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish 

Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars 

were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

 

 

Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were 

confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that 

something interesting had happened in Clacton apart from the local punch 

up's at closing time!

 

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was 

such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom 

crying "What the F*ck was that?" My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and 

Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching 

Trisha the next morning, and must av smoked 60 Lambert an Butlers"

 

Apparently though, looting, muggings,spraying graffiti and car crime did 

carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 

crates of Sunny Delight and special fried rice with curry sauce to the area 

to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the 

rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including 

benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from 

Poundland.

 

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

 

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those 

unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought 

after, items most needed include:

 

* Fila or Burberry baseball caps

* Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

* Shell suits (female)

* White sport socks

* Rockport boots

* Any Garments by Donnay

* Any other items usually sold in Primark.

 

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:

 

* Microwave meals

* Tins of baked beans

* Ice cream

* Pork Scratchings

* Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

 

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £2 buys chips, crisps 

and blue fizzy drinks and slush puppys for a family of 9, £5 will pay for a 

packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of

those affected.

 

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - 'Where are 

you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "Woss that 

faaacken got to do wiv you?"

 

 

 

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