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[ST] Synthetic oil warning!



This was posted on another list and I had to share.
I hope someone else hasn't already sent it over as I am way behind from the
holidays.
Enjoy and oil thread.

Subject: Synthetic Oil Warning!

Beware of synthetic oil! It can do terrible things to you and your beloved
motorcycle.
It will not only leak out of your engine faster than you can put it in, but
it will also cause your oil filter to clog and implode, dumping debris and
dirt into your lubrication system.
It also will make every part of your bike permanently slippery because of
its linear molecular chain dispersion action. Then it will leak onto your
kickstand causing it to retract automatically, dropping your bike on the
ground! But that's not all...
Synthetic oil will round off your gears and spin your bearings.
It will also splatter onto your seat causing your girlfriend to fall off in
the apex of a turn and she'll never ride with you again.
Synthetic oil coats your sight window and your timing window with a whitish
pro-emulsification additive that is both non-removable and highly
corrosive.
Synthetic oil will completely leak onto the ground overnight and your dog
will drink it and die.
Synthetic oil will wear out your tires and make your battery leak.
It will give you the desperate need to urinate after you put your full
leathers on and then jam your zippers shut. It will contaminate your
gasoline causing your bike to stall on railroad tracks and accelerate
uncontrollably near police cars.
It will make it rain during rallies and on weekends.
It will lubricate your timing belts causing them to jump teeth and break
your valves to bits.
Synthetic oil chemically weakens desmodromic valves and causes the
clearances to change every six miles.
Then it melts the black soles of your riding boots right before you walk
across your new carpeting.
While riding past groups of attractive women it will cause both of your
handlebar grips to slip off at the same time so you smash your windscreen
with the bridge of your nose.
It also causes your swingarm to crack, your studs to break, and your rotors
to warp, and then it voids your warranty
by changing your odometer reading to 55,555.
It also dries out your wetclutch and wets your dryclutch.
It makes your clutch slave cylinder seal fail in the heaviest traffic on
the hottest day of the year while putting an angry wasp in your helmet for
good measure.
Synthetic oil hides your 13mm socket and puts superglue on your earplugs.
Synthetic oil will scratch your faceshield and make your gloves shrink two
sizes the night before trackday. Synthetic oil stole your neutral and sold
it to the Chinese for ?1.25.
Synthetic oil will make you grow a tail.
Synthetic oil will write long crazy e-mails to your Internet friends and
then sign your name at the bottom!



Jack Hays
972-952-5065
"I'll see you on the dark side of the Moon"

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