RE: [ST] selfish?

[peter.chittum@xxxxxxxxxxxx]

<snip>

There are so many quality of live issues here that transcend the
"selfishness" label.  Still, what I think is "quality" may be different from
what you think is quality.  I firmly believe, however, that no matter what
"quality" means for each of us, it is the quality that counts, not the
quantity.  If something were to happen to me tomorrow, I don't want my last
thought to be "I wish I would have done 'that'. . . . " I don't want ANY
regrets . . . .  And right now, I don't have any . . . .

</snip>

My $.02

I have to agree with this.  I think the word selfish is a gross
oversimplification of the issue, and I too believe you should try, at all
times, to follow what you love to do.  

But I will say that being in a relationship with someone is always an act of
compromise, and meeting in the middle.  Your wife definitely has a right (I
might argue a responsibility) to share her fears and concerns with you.  It
is then up to you to decide what to do with that.  I for one find no shame
in anyone walking away from a dangerous occupation or passtime as a
compromise in a relationship.  

It all comes down with what can you live with.  Can you live with that
gnawing guilt now that your wive has shared her fears?  If so, maybe it will
inspire you to become an even better/safer rider.  

If you're eating your heart out with the guilt you feel every time you turn
the engine over on your bike, I'd suggest it may not so much be your wife's
misgivings as your own.  I know a lot of people who've walked away from
riding until their children are grown (and we've seen some threads about
that recently, too).  

None of us on this list have a right to tell you to keep on riding, to leave
your wife, to stop riding, that you're selfish, that you're not selfish, or
to not feel guilty.  If I have kids some day, we'll see how I feel then.
Whatever you decide, more power to you.  

Even though it sounds like he was not at fault, Eric House's death (not to
mention all of the other recent accidents) has me seriously examining my
values about riding as well.  Personally, I think that's good.  I'm not
seriously considering quitting riding at this point, as much as I'm looking
at the questions: How do I ride?  How safe am I?  How important is it for me
to get to that empty space of road in front of the single driver in front of
me in the carpool lane?  Why haven't I bought that life insurance policy?
Whatever comes of this process of discernment can only help to make me feel
better about what I do, because I'm walking into it deliberately, and with
purpose.

I have no idea who Eric House was.  I never met him or rode with him.  But
if his death serves to make any of us better, more considerate riders, and
most importantly more forgiving (I've done my share of stupid things, on
both bike and in cage) then we all owe him a debt of gratitude.  

Ride on...
Peter '01 BRG ST

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