[ST] just how complicated can road kill get? [long]

["B Parker" <bparker15@xxxxxxx>]

(Dave's an American, stationed in a NATO base in the Netherlands, and this
was taken from the BMW GS list)


Interesting morning for me. I was cruising in to work using the back gate
entrance when I went 1 vs. 2 with sheep (plural). The back road to GK
(Geilenkirchen) Airbase is a tasty little road that is actually on in the
NL/German border. GK is unique in the fact that it actually touches two
countries, and the rear exit is actually in the Netherlands.

Anyway I'm cruising along and spot something(s) in a ditch.  I was running
the ID matrix when the somethings scattered two on to the road. They were
sheep. Luckily there were the local "punk" sheep which are pretty small,
If they would have been Aussie or Navajo spec units I would be probably
writing this with a straw.

Anyway- I struck the first one with the right "jug" right on its wooly
little noggin. The second one I hit/ ran over its rear end. It happened in
a flash. I would like to think it was my quick thinking and lightning
reflexes that kept me up, but it was probably blind panic and unholy luck.

I came to a stop and basically did the "Holy Fu-- what the hell just
happened?"  check list.

There was a school bus behind me, so he stopped and being a good German,
he called the cops. I checked my bike and incredibly there is no visible
damage just fur bone, blood and sheep feces (now cooking on the pipes)

. Mishap: animal number 1 is lying in the road doing it best James Brown
on crack impression frothing blood and basically dying a slow painful
death. I can't really describe the sounds, but I now know what a camel
stuck in an accordion must sound like. The driver tells me that he has
called the cops and that they should be here momentarily. Moments are
measured in 15 min increments in Europe.

During this time the kids from the bus have piled out and are watching in
horror as sheep num 1 plays out its last moments. Little girls are crying,
boys are poking it with a stick, and I now realize to these kids I am for
all intents and purposes the sheep slaying Anti-Christ and poor "Brunhilda
III" is my pale horse. 30 min later the German 5-0 shows up. They talk to
the bus driver and tell him he can go.

About this time the Dutch cops show up. Which I figured was cool because
they will speak English. Not that simple. They were there for a reason.
The German heat called them because apparently I hit the sheep in the
Netherlands but the body ended up in Germany......
Oh joy, now it is a Trans border incident. A few minutes later a
detachment from the base International Military Police show up, dispatched
because it was a Auto (moto?) Accident involving NATO personnel, so now we
have Two German Cops, Two Dutch cops, A Norwegian Staff Sergeant and a
Greek Captain plus a German civilian "translator" who really served no
point because everyone there spoke English... most better than him.

It is now that the second sheep decides to make its presence known.
It has an obviously crushed pelvis and is dragging its rear around and
generally making a mess... The Greek Captain obviously know sheep and
pronounces her done for. (How the hell can you tell the sex of a sheep
from 25 meters out?)

Anyway-> He said you "someone needs to put it out of its misery". So we
all looked at the Dutch police since it was on their side of the road. The
Senior Dutch cops said with what? I said " Um a gun?" They said "We are a
traffic unit we don't carry fire arms" they said it in such a way that
implied that was an obvious fact.  I responded "what kind of cop doesn't
carry a gun?" SSGt Jensen (Norwegian) leaned over and said "Dutch ones
apparently". I then realized the Germans weren't wearing any iron either.
They saw me looking and said "oh we have Fire arms....they are in the car,
but we can't take them in to the Netherlands..."  Great do you have to
call Andy and ask if you can load them? Now I am thinking, "Dude it's
across the road, and it wouldn't be the first time armed Germans crossed
uninvited....."

Jensen at this point asks if we carry the sheep over here can you (the
Germans) shoot it. The Germans ask him why he doesn't shoot it. He replies
he is only allowed to use his weapon on base or in self defense...

Lesson learned: Wounded sheep don't want to be picked up. At first we try
to gently herd it towards the fatherland, and it is doing a good job of
dodging us. It simply won't cross the road. Seven grown men can't mange to
get one crippled sheep contained. I'm starting to get pissed. I'm an hour
late, my bike is covered in crap (literally). So pick up a stick and take
a swing out of frustration and actually mange to connect with poor little
bastard, Jensen grabs a stick and we soon are clubbing the hell out of
this thing. It just will not die. I am hammering away at its skull with a
good sized log/club and Jensen's big Viking ass is pounding home like Big
Mac and this things is just stumbling and bleating and bleeding. I'm
cussing and screaming "Die you SOB just F----ing die" Finally it gives up
the ghost and Jensen and I are high fiveing and generally making asses out
of our selves. We look up to see the Dutch cops looking at us with
absolute horror. The Germans are looking a bit confused and real not
certain what to do.  The Greek Captain was looking on with a bit of
amusement and said "so much for the picnic". There were several cars
stopped and I realized what I must look like to them holding a bloody
stick wearing my Dainese body armor and splattered with streaks of
blood...  Oh I am definitely not going to get the key to the city this
year.

So with "THAT" out of the way I end up doing the paperwork with Dutch
cops. They ask for my insurance and registration the usual. They wanted to
know that if the owner came forward did I want him to contact me directly
or base legal.  I said Eh don't worry about it, there doesn't seem to be
any damage to my bike.

They seemed confused, then Jensen explained....no they want you to pay for
the sheep. I said "You gotta be Fu---ing kidding me?"  " R U people out
your GD minds? What the hell R U babbling about? You want ME who was using
a public road , to pay for two unauthorized, escape, border jumping sheep?
What the hell are you smoking?"  They seemed a little taken a back, and
said "but you hit them" I replied "of course I hit them, they were in the
damn road, it's not like I was cruising through a barn.' They replied,
"sorry my friend that is the law". Sh-- - I don't even like mutton after
all that time in Saudi. Oh well I guess I will have a Bar-B-Q or
something.  Guess what. You don't get to keep the sheep. Ain't that a
bitch? I may have to pay some numbnutz a fist full of Marks (maybe
guilders) and I don't even get to keep the sheep. Color me pissed. Maybe I
should charge them vet fees for my act of Ewethanasia.

Hasta Dave


     *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *
      The ST/RS Mailing list is sponsored by Jack Lilley Ltd.
          http://www.TriumphNet.com/st/lilley for more info
   http://www.TriumphNet.com/st for ST, RS and Mailing List info

=-=-=-= Next Message =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

End of st-digest V2002 #763
***************************


 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

                      End of Triumph ST/RS Digest
            ST/RS Digest is sponsored by Jack Lilley Ltd.
          http://www.TriumphNet.com/st/lilley for more info
   http://www.TriumphNet.com/st for ST, RS and Mailing List info

          This digest Copyright 1999-2002 TriumphNet.com