[ST] Donnydogood's Oil Changing Tips

[don draper <donnydogood@xxxxxxx>]

   These are the steps I follow,... hopefully they may be of some
help.

 1) start early Sunday morning, so you don't feel pressured and will
be sure to finish in time for the ride with friends

 2) search for Owner's Manual; make a note to buy one later 

 3) warm engine (not hot) and park bike over a big piece of cardboard
(newspaper can substitute, you won't have time to read it anyway)
 
 4) position oil pan beneath crankcase of motorcycle 

 5) remove oil filler cap and place on floor where it can't fall off
and roll under a cabinet

 6) try to loosen oil drain plug with your wrench which is closest to
the correct size

 7) if your last service was done at a shop with a young, strong,
apprentice mechanic, get a piece of pipe to put over the wrench
handle for more leverage to break the plug loose

 8) borrow large vice-grips (locking pliers), apply to the now
stripped oil drain plug and loosen until it can be turned by hand

 9) turn plug out slowly by hand until oil starts to seep out,...
then turn it out as fast as you can to remove it before the hot oil
becomes unbearable

10) as quickly as possible, re-position oil pan under crankcase so
the oil is no longer pouring out onto the floor 

11) try not to drip too much oil on floor walking to corner of garage
to get rags and newspapers, wipe oil off hands 

12).... if necessary find some of your wife's old towels (more on
this later) to mop up excess oil from garage floor 

13) Using an ordinary hammer and the minimum force necessary, pound
your longest screwdriver through the oil filter to obtain the
leverage required to break loose the overtightened filter threads
(see reference to young technician, Step 7). 

14) remove oil filter, which will then remind you to re-position pan
to receive the remainder of the oil; - IMPORTANT - check to make sure
you didn't drive the screwdriver through the crankcase

15) crank starter to scavenge the the last little bit of oil, trying
not to knock over the bike in your haste to shut the engine off
before permanent damage occurs

16) remove, clean, and install the cap on your oil drain pan,... and
clean up the mess on the floor

17) go to buy replacement oil and filter, dumping your drain pan at a
recycle facility on the way

18) returning home, place a little oil on the filter gasket and
install filter

19) place funnel in oil filler hole and pour oil carefully into
funnel, this will remind you that you haven't re-installed the oil
drain plug.

20) clean up mess with wife?s old towels (more on this later), recall
that you dropped plug into the oil drain pan due to the 'WARM' oil

21) look in oil drain pan and shake vigorously until assured it does
not contain drain plug

22) go to recycle center to be assured the plug is not retrievable

23) buy another quart of oil while you're out 

24) call friends and inform them of child's illness which prevents
you from riding with them today

25) after work on Monday (Tuesday if your bike dealer is closed on
Monday) go to the Triumph shop and buy new oil drain plug,... they
always have an adequate supply stocked for just this reason

26) while there, surreptitiously practice with a torque wrench to see
what 18 Ft.Lbs. (24 Nautical Miles) feels like

27) arriving home, install oil drain plug and tighten to
approximately the feeling you remember from 26) above

28) put in 4 quarts of oil, plus a little left-over in the can you
tried to put in Sunday

29) look for oil filler cap; after carefully searching the garage, go
out to trash can to search through oily papers and wife's old towels
(more on this later), remember that trash was picked up this morning

30) rush back to the Triumph shop hoping someone will still be there

31) Tuesday (or Wednesday, as the case may be), go to bike shop after
work again and buy your new oil filler cap,... they always have an
adequate variety stocked for just this reason

32) go home, install oil filler cap and start engine; ride bike for
short distance

33) pull into garage and check under bike for leaks, tighten oil
filter and oil drain plug until seepage stops; DO NOT OVERTIGHTEN

34) call friends and explain you can't go riding Sunday because you
will be taking a cruise with your wife,... to appease her for ruining
her family heirloom towels

 Performance improves with practice; after 40 years of experience I
can now perform this work in as little as a dozen steps. Good luck!

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