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Re: [ST] ST website history- assist
- Subject: Re: [ST] ST website history- assist
- From: "Denis Liakos" <denoose@xxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 4 Feb 2005 10:23:04 -0500
You have out done yourself. I knew I asked the right person for some
insight!
By the way, who's your dealer? And I'm NOT referring to motorbikes.
Denis Liakos
- ----- Original Message -----
From: "Steve Lawler" <slawler@xxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <ST@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Friday, February 04, 2005 10:10 AM
Subject: Re: [ST] ST website history- assist
> Denis Liakos wrote:
>
> > I'm hoping Lawler can come up with a "Fractured Fairy Tale" for our
> > amusement. Steve?
>
>
> "The Origin of Triumphnet"
> by Steve Lawler
>
> In the early days of the internet, before there was listserv, before there
> was usenet, before there was wire, before there was recorded history,
> before there was anything even remotely resembling civilization, tribes of
> motorcycle riders resided in caves. These riders were the beginnings of an
> advanced people.
>
> They were the first people to give names to things and other tribe
> members. The names they would give to people were taken from things in
> their environment. For example forest dwellers would be named "Tree" if
> they were big and strong, "Pine Cone" if they were nutty and some were
> called "Bush" if they were small and feeble. Tribes that had taken up
> seaside caves had names like "Squid", "Seaweed", "Snail", "Shell", "Gill"
> and so on. Gill was usually reserved for open mouth breathers.
>
> While they had not yet developed writing they had already assembled an
> alphabet. They just weren't sure how to use it. Some could be seen
> sitting, twanging their bottom lip, saying "BBBBBBBBBB." Renegade tribe
> members (precursors to today's pirates) would run around letting out a
> hearty "R!" It occurred to some that the alphabet could be put to better
> use.
>
> As the populations of these tribes of motorcyclists increased they began
> to run out of names. They began to attach letters to names. If there was
> already someone named "Twig" another one would be called "Twig-A." In what
> is now Ireland, they opted to add letters to the beginning of names; a
> second "Gill" would become "A'Gill" and so on to "O'Gill." The tribes of
> Scotland felt the desire to be different; they added two and sometimes
> three letters to the beginning. This evolved into names like "McGill."
> Ancient south central Europeans used only vowels at the end. The tribes of
> the region of eastern Europe would just keep adding consonants at both
> ends until they had formed names that were not in the slightest bit
> pronounceable.
>
> One of the seaside dwelling tribes lived on a diet made up primarily of
> trilobites. They were incredibly easy to catch in the unique nets that
> this tribe was so skilled at making. The meat of the trilobite was quite
> succulent and intoxicating. Unfortunately, it was quite addictive and gave
> the eater offensive body odor. To make matters worse, it was extremely
> difficult to get past the sharp shell. This did not stop them. Members of
> this tribe had severe scarring of their tongues causing their vocabulary
> to be intertwined with grunts. Due to the difficultly of saying
> "trilobite" they would say "tri-oomf."
>
> Further down the same stretch of seashore was a tribe that lived mostly on
> shell fish. They prospered. Their numbers had grown and they made full use
> of the alphabet. One particular motorcycle rider named "Shell-E" figured
> that if he strung a whale intestine from his cave to the next tribe down
> the beach then he could converse with them by simply shouting down the
> intestine rather than having to face these stinking riders. The odor had
> made them an ostracized group. But Shell-E knew that they would have
> something to contribute to his tribe of motorcyclists.
>
> Shell-E first tried simply laying the intestine in the sand. This did not
> work to well. The mutterings of the other tribe could not be heard.
> Shell-E suspected that if the intestine was open it would work. It would
> need to be stretched. He tried tying it between two rocks. This worked
> immediately. Unfortunately he did this attempt in the midday sun. Once the
> sun set the intestine expanded and fell to the ground. Night time calling
> was just a dream at this time.
>
> For the third attempt, something was needed that would take up the slack.
> At first someone would have to tighten the intestine as the sun went down
> and be sure to loosen it at sunrise. Nobody wanted to be bothered. Shell-E
> knew that there had to be a better way.
>
> One day as he was riding his motorcycle down the beach, Shell-E spied some
> of the trilobite fishermen hauling in a catch. He noticed that their net
> was woven in such a way that it could expand and contract around the sharp
> shells of the trilobites without being cut. He ran up to the fisherman and
> neglecting to hold his nose as the stench worsened, he shouted "YOU REEK!"
>
> "Uh," replied one of the fishermen.
>
> Shell-E used one net at each end of the intestine. Success was at hand.
> Shell-E didn't know what to call his invention. At first he called it
> "Whale Intestine Strung Between Two Tribes of Motorcyclists On The Beach
> Held in Tension by the Nets of The Trilobite Fishermen." The trilobite
> fishermen called it "Tri-oomf net." Shell-E liked that.
>
>
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